After the power outage in Silverlake last night, I discovered how ill prepared I was for such occurrences. It was about midnight, and I was watching Episode 13 Season 2 of 24. Jack Bauer was about to go break some terrorist’s face and boom the power went out, the fans on my many computers whirled to a stop. The room’s only illumination was the light of my laptop.

I just sat there in silence, patiently knowing that it would soon come back on and everything would be right in the world. After 5 minutes of fiddling with my iPhone and watching the battery meter on my laptop fall from 99% to 93% I started to get worried. Was this city wide? What do I do next? Are zombies involved? What do I do if they are? I think, machetes are better than handguns because, “you ain’t gotta reload a machete.”

Bam, just like that, the power came back on, my computers and TV roared to life, automatically restarting themselves; I would be back to watching Bauer torture evil doers with a butter knife to the knee cap before — and there goes the power again. What the hell? Who’s teasing me?

My laptop had charged back up to 95% but quickly resumed its downward spiral to drainsville. My iPhone was at 20%, and I started to panic. I looked out the window and saw that the rest of LA was shining brilliantly, so obviously this was a localized problem. The neighbors’ houses were as dark as mine and in my head I shook a fist at Silverlake; it’s easy going bohemian lifestyle perfectly “Austinesque” for an easy transition, were undoubtably the exact social climate needed for zombies to spawn.

The zombies were coming for sure so I pulled out a charge cord and plugged my iPhone into my sole source of power, the laptop, then I quickly closed the laptop to conserve energy. 

Side note: If you have an Apple laptop (Macbook Pro or Macbook) you can use it to charge USB devices even when it’s in sleep mode. Just plug it in before you close the computer.

Unless the outbreak happened next door I would have a few hours before it became wide spread, so I decided to go to sleep because I would need my strength. I woke up at 7am and everything was right as rain. My laptop and iPhone were fully charged, and my computers were up and running, doing their daily tasks. Zombie holocaust averted, I went for a run; during which I came to some conclusions.

1. I have no flashlights or portable power sources.
2. I have 1 pocket knife and other than my bags of Minneola Tangelos and Clementine Mandarins (the world’s perfect fruits), no portable food.
3. When I’m presented with a simple problem like lack of power, my mind immediately points to zombie attack as the only explanation.
4. My dependence on the power grid is so entwined with my personal happiness that I’d kiss it if I didn’t think it would kill me.

I need modern convenience, it has made me who I am. So I’d like to thank Nikola Tesla for his limitless strokes of genius in the field of energy and George Westinghouse whose tireless pocketbook aided Tesla in creating such wonderful things.

And a big screw you to Thomas Edison for his rise to the top on the backs of so many great minds, without due compensation and his attempts to discredit AC power in favor of DC. You bastard.