Urban Arson

I’ve been a Conan O’Brien fan for over 17 years. All the way back to his Simpsons days, when I used to make an antenna out of aluminum foil for the TV in my room. I grew up in a very “religious” household and that was one of the myriad programs that off limits. I knew all of the credits by heart, all of the pseudo middle names of the entire crew for the Tree House of Horrors and I always liked his Conan’s episodes the most. “Marge vs. the Monorail” is my favorite. Lyle Lanley “the consalesman” in that episode is voiced by the late great Phil Hartman.

Channel 36 KXAN, the NBC affiliate in Austin, TX was the only channel that came in with no static using my secret foil antenna and therefore became my favorite station. When Conan took over the Late Show after Leno screwed David Letterman out of Johnny Carson’s seat, I was there. When Conan got off to a very slow start, I was there. When the audience wasn’t laughing, I was there. As Conan started to get more confidence, and his stage presence became more refined, I was there. From the start he had always pushed the boundaries of comedy, but he really started hitting his stride around 1998 after his 5th Anniversary Prime Time show. Over the next few years Conan pushed my young comedic mind to its outer limit and beyond. He was my funniest friend, and I hated the weekends because he wasn’t around.

When Andy Richter left the show in 2000 I didn’t know what to expect, their banter had always been the best part of the show, but the show got even stronger. That’s not to say that Andy was holding Conan back, but Conan seemed to have something to prove to himself. I’m sure he busted his ass everyday to keep the funny pouring out, whic earned him a promise in 2004 from Mr. Jay Leno himself that in 2009 the “Tonight Show” would be all his:

By his last “Late Night” show in 2009, with his stage taking advantage of every nook and cranny of space in Studio 6A, Conan was primed and ready to take Jay up on his offer. Just as he was leaving his NYC post, he got T-Boned by one of Leno’s phallic steam-powered cars and forced to play second fiddle again to Jay again. NBC’s new experimental variety show, “The Jay Leno Show,” was a horrendous piece of shit that took their ratings into the bowels hell and Conan right along with them. What the hell were they thinking. Given the chance there is no doubt that Conan’s talents would have shined through and the numbers would have continued to grow to their previous size. But no, NBC decided to Tonya Harding Conan in the knee caps with Leno’s giant chin and never give him a chance.

Horrible choices over the last 11 months have taken one of the most talented men on the planet and forced him off of his rightful “Tonight Show” throne. Conan is a man of integrity who refused to give in to pressure to move the “Tonight Show” to tomorrow (12:05 am). His integrity cost him his childhood dream of hosting a show with such a rich legacy. A legacy which is now tarnished by another talented guy who just doesn’t know when to quit.

Conan O’Brien is a genius of unmatched ability and whatever he touches in the future will turn to gold. Here’s his “Tonight Show” farewell speech:

If that doesn’t bring a tear to your eye then you should break out an oil can because you’re probably made of fucking tin. For now I hope he spends some well deserved time with his wife and kids. I can’t wait to see him back at a desk in September. Keep the couch warm for me old friend, I’ll be ready for it soon. Here’s to another 17+ years.

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