Urban Arson

The horror genre has been circling the drain for years. The only reason any of its water remains in the film sink is the hair ball of teen culture which continually refreshed to stop up the pipe. Just knowing that M(usic)TV doesn’t show music videos anymore is all the explanation I need to understand why bad horror movies continue to get made and do well in the theater. 

In a world where putting your face in your palm is an every day occurrence I present, My Bloody Valentine 3D.

Over the last few years films shot using 3D camera systems have been gaining traction. Sadly many of them featured a gimmicky technology which utilized red-blue glasses (I’m looking at you Spy Kids…). 3D is the wave of the future and films like My Bloody Valentine 3D will aid in its mainstream acceptance, preparing the film viewing world for James Cameron’s 3D masterpiece, Avatar.

My Bloody Valentine 3D is a bad remake of a bad 1980’s slasher flick called My Bloody Valentine.  Now “bad” and slasher movie usually go hand in hand. If you walk into a movie like this expecting “The Shawshank Redemption” you’re a moron, if you walk in knowing that you’ll get a movie full of darkly lit sets and cliche deaths using an impractical weapon you can have a good experience. I enjoyed the movie enough to not to walk out and got some good ideas of how to make 3D work for non-gimmick movies. It made me laugh and jump at the proper times; I got to waste a couple of hours of my life and eat at Fuddrucker’s.

The story is awful, the plot is tired and its twist is only surpassed in stupidity by an M. Night Shyamalan film. For it’s technical importance and tongue in cheek horror presentation I give My Bloody Valentine 3D 2.5/5 Stars.

***Spoiler Warning***

Last night I saw The Curious Case of Benjamin Button an incredibly epic film I’d put one level below Forrest Gump. I loved it, I saw it as a triumph of so many things both tangible and intangible. It was one of the best movies David Fincher has ever made, and featured some of the best visual effects in the history of film. Which I consider to be its greatest triumph because of its significance for pushing the art form forward by adding tools to the palette of all filmmakers. I give the movie 4 out of 5 stars. Here was the only head scratcher I found.

Above is a picture of Benjamin Button when he was first born. He looks like a baby in size and shape but has the features of an old man on the brink of death. Now taking into consideration the complete ridiculousness of this notion wouldn’t his logical end be that of a Giant Baby (or Fetus)? 

Instead he turns into:

A normal little baby with dementia. But I woke up this morning and conceded my point. The drama of seeing Daisy (Cate Blanchett’s incredible character) rocking her infant lover to sleep was as masterful as it get. Well played Mr. Fincher.