Urban Arson

I’m on my way to Santiago, Chile to help my friend Nicolas Lopez shoot his next film. On the way there I got stuck in Lima and took some video of the amazing view from my hotel room.

I’ve been a Conan O’Brien fan for over 17 years. All the way back to his Simpsons days, when I used to make an antenna out of aluminum foil for the TV in my room. I grew up in a very “religious” household and that was one of the myriad programs that off limits. I knew all of the credits by heart, all of the pseudo middle names of the entire crew for the Tree House of Horrors and I always liked his Conan’s episodes the most. “Marge vs. the Monorail” is my favorite. Lyle Lanley “the consalesman” in that episode is voiced by the late great Phil Hartman.

Channel 36 KXAN, the NBC affiliate in Austin, TX was the only channel that came in with no static using my secret foil antenna and therefore became my favorite station. When Conan took over the Late Show after Leno screwed David Letterman out of Johnny Carson’s seat, I was there. When Conan got off to a very slow start, I was there. When the audience wasn’t laughing, I was there. As Conan started to get more confidence, and his stage presence became more refined, I was there. From the start he had always pushed the boundaries of comedy, but he really started hitting his stride around 1998 after his 5th Anniversary Prime Time show. Over the next few years Conan pushed my young comedic mind to its outer limit and beyond. He was my funniest friend, and I hated the weekends because he wasn’t around.

When Andy Richter left the show in 2000 I didn’t know what to expect, their banter had always been the best part of the show, but the show got even stronger. That’s not to say that Andy was holding Conan back, but Conan seemed to have something to prove to himself. I’m sure he busted his ass everyday to keep the funny pouring out, whic earned him a promise in 2004 from Mr. Jay Leno himself that in 2009 the “Tonight Show” would be all his:

By his last “Late Night” show in 2009, with his stage taking advantage of every nook and cranny of space in Studio 6A, Conan was primed and ready to take Jay up on his offer. Just as he was leaving his NYC post, he got T-Boned by one of Leno’s phallic steam-powered cars and forced to play second fiddle again to Jay again. NBC’s new experimental variety show, “The Jay Leno Show,” was a horrendous piece of shit that took their ratings into the bowels hell and Conan right along with them. What the hell were they thinking. Given the chance there is no doubt that Conan’s talents would have shined through and the numbers would have continued to grow to their previous size. But no, NBC decided to Tonya Harding Conan in the knee caps with Leno’s giant chin and never give him a chance.

Horrible choices over the last 11 months have taken one of the most talented men on the planet and forced him off of his rightful “Tonight Show” throne. Conan is a man of integrity who refused to give in to pressure to move the “Tonight Show” to tomorrow (12:05 am). His integrity cost him his childhood dream of hosting a show with such a rich legacy. A legacy which is now tarnished by another talented guy who just doesn’t know when to quit.

Conan O’Brien is a genius of unmatched ability and whatever he touches in the future will turn to gold. Here’s his “Tonight Show” farewell speech:

If that doesn’t bring a tear to your eye then you should break out an oil can because you’re probably made of fucking tin. For now I hope he spends some well deserved time with his wife and kids. I can’t wait to see him back at a desk in September. Keep the couch warm for me old friend, I’ll be ready for it soon. Here’s to another 17+ years.

This is the first image from my new short film “Now or Never.”

The story centers around Henry, a chipper young man who has decided to that today he will tell his best friend he’s in love with her.

The film has been finished and shipped off to several film festivals. I can’t post it here for a while but feel free to ask questions.

This video is really amazing. I’m really digging this “Mr. Hudson” guy. I have a feeling his album is going to be a PBD (Pretty Big Deal).

Sorry I haven’t posted in a while, I’ve got some forth coming announcements. Stay tuned.

Follow me on Twitter for instant access to updates.

This is a video talking about the “Coming Swine Flu Epidemic!” it’s from 1976… I’m not really sure why everyone is freaking out. I know it killed some people in Mexico and the POTUS was hangin’ with a guy who died the next day from “flu like symptoms” but The First Gentleman was out hitting the links yesterday. This thing isn’t going to turn the country into a zombie holocaust, so please folks just chill.

This is the best thing ever! Watch the whole video. You won’t be disappointed.

I didn’t know that people jump cut stuff like this back in the 70’s! When I was a kid my Dad bought collection of 20 VHS tapes featuring animal studies and documentaries. I must have watched each of them 10 times. They were all shot on 16 mm so watching this really took me back.

I just got a new camera called the Canon HF S100

Here a few things I’ve shot while out and about in Los Angeles.

These clips are HD resolution so they might take a bit longer to load.

The amazing thing about this camera is it’s only the size of a soda can and it records to SD cards instead of tape at 24p full HD resolution. It’s amazing!

Check it out here!

I have never read such a reasoned and concise argument for drug “legalization”. I don’t drink, smoke, or do drugs, I never have and I never will, but who the hell am I to tell another adult what he can and can’t do with his own body? It’s complete nonsense, we’re spending billions every year to keep this “War on Drugs” farce alive. We simply can’t afford it any more.

End the War on Drugs – Dr. Ron Paul

We have recently heard many shocking stories of brutal killings and ruthless violence related to drug cartels warring with Mexican and US officials.  It is approaching the fever pitch of a full blown crisis.  Unfortunately, the administration is not likely to waste this opportunity to further expand government.  Hopefully, we can take a deep breath and look at history for the optimal way to deal with this dangerous situation, which is not unprecedented.

Alcohol prohibition in the 1920’s brought similar violence, gangs, lawlessness, corruption and brutality.  The reason for the violence was not that making and selling alcohol was inherently dangerous.  The violence came about because of the creation of a brutal black market which also drove profits through the roof.  These profits enabled criminals like Al Capone to become incredibly wealthy, and militantly defensive of that wealth.  Al Capone saw the repeal of Prohibition as a great threat, and indeed smuggling operations and gangland violence fell apart after repeal.  Today, picking up a bottle of wine for dinner is a relatively benign transaction, and beer trucks travel openly and peacefully along their distribution routes.

Similarly today, the best way to fight violent drug cartels would be to pull the rug out from under their profits by bringing these transactions out into the sunlight.  People who, unwisely, buy drugs would hardly opt for the back alley criminal dealer as a source, if a coffeehouse-style dispensary was an option.  Moreover, a law-abiding dispensary is likely to check ID’s and refuse sale to minors, as bars and ABC stores tend to do very diligently.  Think of all the time and resources law enforcement could save if they could instead focus on violent crimes, instead of this impossible nanny-state mandate of saving people from themselves!

If these reasons don’t convince the drug warriors, I would urge them to go back to the Constitution and consider where there is any authority to prohibit private personal choices like this.  All of our freedoms – the freedom of religion and assembly, the freedom of speech, the right to bear arms, the right to be free from unnecessary government searches and seizures – stem from the precept that you own yourself and are responsible for your own choices.  Prohibition laws negate self-ownership and are an absolute affront to the principles of freedom.  I disagree vehemently with the recreational use of drugs, but at the same time, if people are only free to make good decisions, they are not truly free.  In any case, states should decide for themselves how to handle these issues and the federal government should respect their choices.

My great concern is that instead of dealing deliberatively with the actual problems, Congress will be pressed again to act quickly without much thought or debate.  I can’t think of a single problem we haven’t made worse that way.  The panic generated by the looming crisis in Mexico should not be redirected into curtailing more rights, especially our second amendment rights, as seems to be in the works.  Certainly, more gun laws in response to this violence will only serve to disarm lawful citizens.  This is something to watch out for and stand up against.  We have escalated the drug war enough to see it only escalates the violence and profits associated with drugs.  It is time to try freedom instead.

Today:

My Paternal Grandfather James R. Burns turns 70. Happy Birthday Poppy!!

One of my idols Writer/Director Quentin Tarantino turns 46.

I finished the third and final draft of my soon to be infamous script.

The photo you see above is not a balding asian woman but a balding, chubby Chilean known as Nicolas Lopez, director of such fine Chilean blockbusters as Promedio Rojo and Santos. And to answer your question yes, that is a mirrored compact in his hand which he’s using to both check the extent of his rapidly receding hairline and apply lip gloss and other makeup supplies. According to Lopez, as he is known by his friends:

“All Chilean men are taught from a young age to carry makeup products on their person at all times in order to keep their appearance in check. It was a law first enacted in 1975 by our metro-sexual dictator Augusto Pinochet, a man known for his heavy use of eye liner, lipstick, powder foundation, and anti-aging creams. Comandante Pinochet had a talk show which aired nightly and instructed young men and women in the proper use and application of makeup. As Chilean citizens abroad we must look our best in order to uphold our title as the best looking people on Earth.”

Lopez has told me I should start wearing makeup as well, but as a heterosexual my appearance isn’t important enough to require eye shadow and lip liner to raise my self esteem. When I disagree he just shrugs and continues to apply his makeup in peace. He’s never tried to force his customs or culture on mine, which is probably why we’re friends. One of us flamboyant and effeminate while the other is the epitome of masculinity, basically a black version of Chuck Norris.

We recently returned to Los Angeles from a trip to San Diego. About 15 minutes outside of the city Lopez unexpectedly grabbed my steering wheel and bounded us off of the highway on an unplanned excursion to Disneyland at 4:30 pm. I paid their ridiculous parking fee and walked the 5 miles to the entrance of the “Happiest Place On Earth.”

5 sets of gates and 2 cavity searches later Lopez lied about his birthday and received free admittance, while my moral ass had to plunk down $65. Once inside Lopez went nuts hugging every character he could find. Mickey, Minnie, Donald, and Goofy weren’t ready for the bear hugs he was dishin’ out. At random intervals he’d stop in the middle of the street to apply more makeup then continue to romp around the park dragging me to every geeky ride he could find. We saw ASIMO, the Japanese robot, which should be called AWESOM-O, because it was the craziest thing I’ve ever seen and then we got some food. After eating a $17 hotdog and a $9 ice cream bar, Lopez wasn’t feeling so hot. So he applied some more makeup which he claims calms his stomach and we sat down to watch an amazing fireworks show. After one more cavity search to make sure we hadn’t stolen any Mickey and friends keychains we left the park. $100 poorer I drove the 20 miles to Silverlake where we promptly went to sleep.

This was just one day of our adventures together and there will be many more in the coming weeks. I’ll be posting regular updates as this story progresses.